BRAWNDO THE THIRST MUTILATOR has signed on as a headline sponsor of ROBOGAMES, on June 12-14 2009 at Fort Mason in San Francisco. Aside from being the largest MECHANIZED GLADIATORIAL COMPETITION IN THE WORLD, it's also at a REAL FORT, not one of those CRAPPY FORTS MADE OUT OF COUCH CUSHIONS. COUCH CUSHION FORTS ARE EXTREMELY FLIMSY and are not suitable to contain any sort of combat. Come out on June 12, FREE DRINKS, VIOLENCE, SMASHING, AND FLAMETHROWERS will be had by all. BRING YOUR WOLF SHIRT.
Once again, Mister Tim Hwang shook the internet machine and a whole bunch of WIN fell out, this time all over New York City, SOAKED IN BRAWNDO. Everyone from TRONGUY to LAUGHINGSQUID to the INVENTOR OF COMIC SANS and the guy behind EPIC CONFUSION AT GRAND CENTRAL STATION were there and they all performed LOTS OF EXPLAINING AND PICTURES. Also, a TALKING CAT. WE SALUTE YOU, INTERNET. WITH FISTS AND YELLING.
I'm not sure why the hell this didn't come out sooner, but Pizzeria UNO is waking up to the AWESOME REALITY that BASIC HUMAN NEEDS are a SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND MUST BE ELIMINATED IF MANKIND IS TO MOVE FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE. I blame thirst and hunger as the main two reasons why I don't have a flying car: if science didn't have to constantly stop, so the scientists can eat and drink, we'd all be zipping around like the JETSONS and wearing TOTALLY RAD silver pants. TOTALLY RAD SILVER PANTS. I WANT MY FLYING CAR, SO BUY THIS PIZZA. And DRINK IT WITH BRAWNDO.
Hamsters are good at running. The only thing that makes them win at running, is Brawndo. It's got what Hamsters crave. Electrolytes. Leave it to a couple MIT graduates and a Googler to mark this down forever in the history books and measure that FEROCIOUS, UNSTOPPABLE RUNNING with some sort of science wizardry. We can all agree that science is scary and confusing, but now it's AWESOME and scary and confusing, so we have a reason not to burn down the places where they teach it.
We came, we saw, we got mutilated. PAX 2008 just wrapped up and at least one of us finished the weekend COVERED IN BLOOD. All in all, it was completely epic. A+++++ WOULD DEFINITELY ATTEND AGAIN. If any of you that took home the GIANT-ASS BRAWNDO SIGNS do anything interesting with them, definitely send in some pics. Special thanks to the ENFORCERS the TERRIFYING MECHANICAL FRUIT EVISCERATING ROBOT, and the man with the giant voice, Mark Little from Picnicface for showing up and GIVING AN ON-DEMAND DEMONSTRATION of the power of 400 BABIES.
And for all of you that were interested, Sex Panther Cologne comes out at the end of October. Mark your calendars.
Dr. Dadavildy is a unique individual, but he knows a lot about electrolytes. And why they're important. and that's why he wins the video contest about brawndo. Because Brawndo's got electrolytes. Which are what people crave. Which is why they use them to make Brawndo.
Electrolytes are awesome, which is why they've started including them in all kinds of products. Like envigorating electrolyte soap. ... and here I was thinkin that soap was only good for 'batin. Now that soap's got electrolytes, it can make you win at all kinds of different things. LIKE BARBECUE. or maybe MURDERING INNOCENT PEOPLE FOR NO REASON in GRAND THEFT AUTO FOUR. WITH A MOTOR VEHICLE
Rob Walker over at The New York Times wrote a most excellent article about Brawndo. It's the Thirst Mutilator. Then a whole bunch of people wrote some blogs about the article., which is THE AMERICAN WAY. Yeah. I said it. Blogging. and bacon hamburgers. and HEMI-POWERED STATION WAGONS. AMERICA.
ROFLCon in Cambridge was completely epic. Apparently (according to Tim) it was going to be held at Harvard, but Harvard wasn't interested in a WHOLE BUNCH OF SHENANIGANS. That's pretty much what happened. Three (Four? Five?) days of SHENANIGANS. We left marks all over the place too. Valleywag (we were seated next to the excellent LESLIE HALL), Bostonist (with a picture of this plant we totally murdered. i mean, helped.), Wired (check out the lunchbox), and flickr, oh man, flickr. Huge shoutouts to Tim (for putting everything together), the guys at Revision3, Drew @ FARK, the cheezburger guy, DENNY BLAZE, and The Barbarian Group for a KILLER PARTY. Oh, and Tron guy, for signing some AWESOME STUFF THAT NOW SAYS TRON GUY ALL OVER IT. (HINT: IT WAS JUST PLAIN OLD REGULAR STUFF BEFORE THAT.)
A lot of people had been asking for it, so we put together a whole page of its own where you guys can make and share COMPLETELY AWESOME pictures and videos and crap. Oh, and we're giving away expensive free stuff, too. Ends april 15, so get on it!
Brawndo @ ROFLcon, MIT campus, April 25-26.
Yes, you can has caffeine. Brawndo will be officially officiafying as the official LIQUID REFRESHMENT of ROFLcon, this April 25-26 at MIT. We'll be supplying it by the caseload, along with some RickRolls, if you get hungry.
Talk to your plants. They want Brawndo. Not water, like from the toilet.
A bunch of nerds have figured out how to talk to plants using fancy nerd equipment. I dunno about you, but this paves the way for ACTUAL SCIENCE EVIDENCE that Brawndo's got what plants crave. They crave Brawndo. It's got electrolytes.
Also, the guys over at Entertainmentopia fed themselves some EXTRA BIGASS CANS of Brawndo. They compare it to Citra, which as far as I can tell, is a brand of car made in Sweden.
Brawndo: Brawndo + PDXLan
Brawndo was well received at the PDXLan event. Nothing beats a gut full of Brawndo when you’re about to pop an Uber with your Medic/Heavy combo in TF2 on Mach4. Tomsgames has pictures and everything. Oh yeah, and the chugging contest.. well.. that speaks for itself.
Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator in March 08 issue of Playboy. Get it for the articles.
For those of you who who are tall enough to reach the top of the magazine rack, pick up the March 08 issue of Playboy. Brawndo is featured on Page 18. On newsstands now. Also, I hear that magazine has naked pictures of ladies. Which is kind of a bonus if you're paying money for a magazine.
For those of you who want to WIN AT BEING AT A LAN PARTY: February 15-18 at PDXLan 11 in Portland, we're giving out enough Brawndo to reverse the world's spin like in Superman III (and that's just one can). That's right, we should have enough for everybody, so all you need to bring is your thirst, and an EXTRA PAIR OF PANTS BECAUSE BRAWNDO WILL WRECK YOUR PANTS. For more information go to: PDXLan.net
Get your hands on some free Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator. It all starts February 14-18 at the Indianapolis Indiana RCA Dome. 65,000 other people will attend, and there are over 10,000 exhibitors, so if you happen to have wrecked your jetski jumping an iron gate, or if you're just thirsty, come and try Brawndo at booth 1701. For more information go to: DealerExpo.com
A lot of people have been asking for it, so we put together a whole page of its own where you guys can make and share COMPLETELY AWESOME pictures and videos and crap. Oh, and we're giving away expensive free stuff, too.
Apparently, through the magic of modern science, cheeseburgers are now available in a can. The benefits of aluminum cans on flavorful goodness are quite well documented. As an example, Brawndo comes in a can, and it's quite tasty. So, through the transitive property, we can deduce that the cheeseburger that comes in a can is also tasty. That's mathematics.
John Pavlus took one for the team, and downed a whole can of Brawndo in one sitting. And videotaped it. His tongue turned green. He gets bonus points for being a fan of "El Chupacabra", which is the most terrifying goat-related monster ever. But in the grand scheme of things, as far as monsters are concerned, Brawndo is probably best at warding off the unnamed monster from planet M-113. It's got what shapeshifting vampire space monsters crave. Electrolytes.
Brawndo was thorougly enjoyed over at PC Gamer: they described Brawndo as an "energy tonic" with the "power of goodness and science", then proceeded to NINJA ALL OVER THE OFFICE for the rest of the day. They have pictures.
We also mutilated the reviewers over at Xbox magazine, which is the magazine for afficionados of Xboxes and/or Xboxing. I'm a huge fan of Xboxing, and of regular boxing, or pretty much any sport involving Mike Tyson chewing some guy's face off. If that hasn't already come out as a game on the XBOX, then it should. You know, bring things full circle, like they talked about in that movie "The Lion King".
Brawndo was in the Toronto Star this weekend. They described it as "defictionalization", which I'm pretty sure is the scientific process by which plants turn sunlight into Skittles candy.
Also, Trendinista has a review up. Brawndo usually goes best with some sort of severed animal leg, but it looks like they've been drinking Brawndo + vodka which works too. Add some Lemon or Lime juice and you have yourself a BRAWNDOZER.
For all of you who were interested in a real live video taste test of BRAWNDO THE THIRST MUTILATOR, you can check that out here. As you can see, the drink practically glows in the dark. and it's not even dark.
And I quote: "Admit it: You've always wanted to crush a human skull with your bare hands. This week, you won't need to. You can simply taste how that would feel thanks to Brawndo"
See that? How often do you see discussion of HORRIFYING, GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE in an article about a beverage? When they're talking about Brawndo you do. Because Brawndo is HORRIFYING, GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE. IN A CAN.
Our guys out in Massachusetts have Brawndo in stock! Check out the list of stores in Massachusetts that have it available. For the rest of the country that's still drinking out of the toilet, we'll rescue you soon!
BevNet says "Overall, it's a nice tasting drink with a decent amount of kick. But really, this is what plants crave -- "not water, like from the toilet" -- and it's the Brawndo name that's going to make this stuff sell. It certainly has some novelty value to it, but it also seems different enough to make a real push. Definitely worth a shot."
Wired has a lot of talking: "I got a package. It came in the mail. The package had stuff in it. I opened the package that came in the mail and there was a piece of paper. The piece of paper had words. I hate words. I like TV. I like to watch the Violence Channel. I like to watch "Ow, My Balls!" on the Violence Channel. "Ow, My Balls!" is brought to you by Carl's Jr. TV is good because there aren't many words."
We would have highlighted the part where they said drinking BRAWNDO was like SHAVING YOUR CHEST WITH A LAWNMOWER, but they didn't say that, so we'll just assume it was IMPLIED
The Energy Drink Review is a place where you can read reviews of energy drinks! collected into one place! It's usually a bunch of smart talk, but this time they talk about Brawndo! And here's another review! And another! I AM RUNNING OUT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS
Described as "The world's best and only beverage, the one that mutilates your thirst, and is so awesome that we even use it for irrigation". And we totally DID NOT EVEN take that quote out of context! Really! Not Really!
So this weekend was completely massive. We got coverage from Slashdot, FARK, tons of other blogs (including Scientific American!), and a number of major publications (to be revealed later) sent in requests for drink samples.
We'd also like to give a huge shout-out to our partners-in-crime, the guys over at picnicface, for being completely awesome.
Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator is an officially licensed product. It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. On Sale Now.
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